Have not been feeling the Christmas season lately...and by lately, I mean it's been more than 3 years since I've been in the happy, cheery, holiday spirit.
For the past 2 years, after my birthday passes in early November, I quietly hide out waiting for December to end and the new year begin. Ironically, I'm not anxious or impatient for it's end.... I rather like to take it all in slowly and submurge myself into this blank state of mind where I can't do anything but reminisce about the times where I remember being happy and use to enjoy it all. It's the only time I set my pride aside and allow myself to go back to a different time in my life and recall fading memories.
And just like that...it takes my Christmas spirit away and any mood for celebrations or festivities. Although, drinking is highly encouraged and Christmas parties do provide a generous supply of much needed alcohol to get me through.
Where my hard, cold lump of coal resides...my heart starts beating again. I get so emotional during the holidays and I detest the very thought of letting myself be consumed by these nonsense feelings. Fucking cheery christmas music that makes me want to get run over by reindeers doesn't help one bit.
But there I am. It's invevitable...like the change of the season. I don't know what triggers it...Or maybe I do and I have yet to admit that part.
The frosty weather. Red holiday Starbucks cups. Downtown lights. Fuzzy socks. Macy's Friends & Family discount. The warmth of my bed's covers and the quietness of the office while everyone is out on vacation. It's all I care for this season.
Just three more months and I will be away from these city lights....I love winter, but I've never wanted the Spring to get here faster....
